I hope I’m not too off topic but I had a thought and didn’t want to start a whole thread over it. Men and women often have trouble empathizing with each other because they often inhabit different realities.
Think of sex as water…
Women (especially young women) live in a monsoon. Everywhere they go they are drenched. They are understandably sick of all the rain and puddles.
Men live in a desert. They have to walk miles and climb steep hills just to find a drink.
Women look at men scheming and planning to get a drink of water and they think “how gross and pathetic”. I mean, water is everywhere, why are men so idiotic over something so inconsequential?
And on the other hand, men, with their perpetually parched throats, are unsympathetic to the complaints of soggy women.
I kind of part ways on TRP on this one. It’s true, women tend to be able to get casual sex easier than men, but it’s precisely because they want it less. Especially young men tend to have a much stronger and more immediate sex drive than women their age. So the desert/water analogy works for men, but for women, I’m guessing it’s the quantifiable aspect that don’t relate too, as if sex is a quantity, more water or less water. For them, it’s more like the taste of the water, right?
This is why they are always bitching about “objectification” and our “entitlement to sex” because we talk about sex as fungible – we’ll take it from here, or there. It’s precisely when sex is abstracted, and made fungible, quantifiable, that women can’t relate, cannot empathize, and in fact, feel insulted. They feel dehumanized, because in theory, at least, she thinks you are “reducing” her – and specifically, personally her – to another quantity of water you’re going to drink.
You are writing sex with you, she is reading sex with her. Instead, you just give them a narrative, say, instead of a metaphor, try an allegory. Instead of, “sex is like water” make it “I was so thirsty and imagined this wonderful spring.”
That’s kind of the point. Women are so bombarded with men trying to initiate sex, they’re looking for the best of their selection. Whereas men are not consistently approached by women, so their “standards” may be a lot less.
Back to the water analogy, if you’re dying of thirst in a desert, you don’t care if the next puddle has shit in it – you’ll drink it.
And also where the analogy falls apart. If sex is water, you both want water, right? But she is getting offered more and you are getting offered less. Water is something you both need, and she’s drowning and you’re so desperate you’re willing to drink water with shit in it. This is not a very sexy analogy is it? Plus sex=water is so one dimensional. Is this a gay analogy? Let’s try something different.
How about you’re on fire and she’s the firegirl you want to put it out? She’s got a bunch of fires burning around her and only so much water. She can use a little bit of water on each fire but won’t put them out. Or she can use all her water putting out a big fire in vain. Or she can find a fire just big enough she knows her water can put it out. Of course, she’s not going to do that, she’s a hypergamous firefighter, the point isn’t to actually put out fires, then the fun would end. The point is for her to pour all her water on that one unquenchable fire until it’s almost gone, then throw her body on the coals to smother them, sacrificing herself.
An Unquenchable Fire, that’s going to be my new bodice ripper.
(The economic argument, supply and demand, has been done a million times. It’s better than the water/desert analogy. If we’re trying to figure out why women can’t empathize, an analogy they can’t empathize with won’t work.)
Where does the fire analogy work in accordance to quality? Is a big fire a quality guy?
No, no, no. If you want to talk about supply and demand like sex is a fungible commodity, just make the economic argument.
But we’re talking about women here. Screw arguments, tell a story. How about a tall, handsome fungible commodity broker, brooding in his Manhattan apartment, visions of failed relationships in his past. One day a sexy firelady knocks on the door. “Sir,” she says, “we have a report of smoke coming from this apartment.” “Oh, come right in,” you say. She walks through the door past you, then turns her head back and gazes fleetingly at you, fluttering her eyelashes.
“You know what they say” she says, removing her firefighter’s helmet, loosening her long brunette locks, “where there’s smoke, there’s fire.”
Rereading it, I know what you mean now. So, I have to be a big fire AND be burning something important = an orphanage or Children’s Hospital. It can still work with the water analogy.
Yeah but the orphanage/children’s hospital thing is way better, go with that one.