How to Subtly Drive Negroes Away From Your Restaurant
It’s a common problem for anyone operating a business in a diverse area. You want to become a success by serving delicious food to nice white people, but you legally can’t prevent Negroes from coming in. And we all know how much Negroes love to complain, hell, they will complain about “racism” even if you are doing your level best to serve them.
Consider Denny’s; anyone who has ever eaten at Denny’s late at night knows there is a problem with loud talking, misbehaving Negroes ruining the atmosphere for the nice white people. If a white couple gets slow service, they might grumble and complain, but if black people get slow service, they all have Al Sharpton on the speed dial, and you might wind up on the local news accused of racism (that’s actually a good thing, think about it.)
Plus, as is well known, black people don’t tip. Who needs ‘em?
So here’s a few tips on how to subtly keep blacks from ruining the atmosphere at your restaurant while maintaing plausible deniability.
1. Play classical music.
Negroes hate classical music because they can’t find the “beat.”
“How can you listen to that stuff? It ain’t got no rhythm!”
2. Display lots of fresh flowers.
3. Hire a mulatto maitre-de.
This is an advanced technique. Hire an ultra-light skinned mulatto and put them right up front. Whites will be perfectly happy to be seated by an Obama lookalike, but blacks will subconsciously feel like part of the staff, as if they should be in the kitchen washing dishes, not in the dining room with the whites. Also, mulattoes are more racist against the dark skinned blacks than any Ku Klux Klansman could ever be, and will use advanced subtle racism to make the Negroes feel uncomfortable.
4. Put a fried chicken and watermelon dish on the menu, but always be out of it.
Whites will be delighted (who doesn’t like fried chicken and watermelon?) but disappointed when their server tells them you are out, but blacks will be outraged, both at the fact the dish in on the menu in the first place, and doubly so that when they finally get up the courage to order it, you are out.
5. Use restaurant lingo.
Whites will assume restaurant lingo is just the local jargon, but blacks will assume it’s a secret racist code. When whites hear the waitstaff say “we got a cambro that needs to get trashed” they will be thrilled at hearing “waiter code” and that will make them feel the place is sufficiently “authentic.” Blacks will of course believe it’s secret racism. So it’s a win win.
Try these tips and enjoy a successful restaurant with an all-white clientele!