I had seen her dancing at the bar earlier. Tall, thin, with long straight blonde hair and pale blue eyes. I caught her eye a few times, and noticed she was sitting with a girlfriend and a guy I had briefly talked to earlier. So I walk over to her, start talking, and her body language just blew up, touching her hair, grabbing my clothes, etc. So, we flirted for a while. I talked to her girlfriend and the guy a little bit, then she wanted to go outside to have a cigarette, so I went with her and bummed a smoke.
Well, it didn’t take long to notice two things. She was drunk, and she was vulnerable. As in, emotionally vulnerable. A strong, independent woman with her own successful career, obviously emotionally directionless. Biologically, she should be a married mother with three kids by now. But since women don’t do that sort of thing anymore, she was lost.
She starts telling me way too many personal details. She tells me she’s 35. I ask her to guess my age, she said 28. I laughed and smiled, and told her I knew she was just flattering me, but to keep it up because it was working. She said she had just come back from LA. She had been married, but never had children. She was evidently hooking up with the guy inside, but was frustrated because he never got jealous. She complained that while she didn’t mind hooking up, and didn’t mind keeping things casual, she just couldn’t handle the fact this guy didn’t care what, or who, she did. She complained that he had never gotten married, and didn’t do “relationships.”
Well, at first I objected. I said, “oh so this is what this is about, you’re just talking to me to make this guy jealous?” She says, “no he doesn’t get jealous, that’s the problem. I don’t mind hooking up, it just seem … I mean, wouldn’t you want to be exclusive with the girl you’re sleeping with?”
Of course I told her that when we hook up, I’ll keep her all to myself.
Little miss, my designated driver, was walking out so if I wanted a ride home, and a sure thing, I’d better cut loose now. She tells me she’s at the bar every week. So I will see her again, with or without the guy.
Women these days are clueless. She had promised before God, her family, and her community to love, honor, and obey the man she married, until death do they part. She decided to break her vows. She likely hired lawyers, went before a court of the law, and dragged whatever personal issues she had with her husband out in public, humiliating him, his family, and her family. But likely not herself, because she likely doesn’t feel any shame. The entire media and the culture tells her, if she wasn’t haaaapy, if the guy did something she didn’t like, or if she just got bored, she should divorce him. Take time to focus on herself, and her own needs.
Now, she’s prowling bars, hooking up with guys who treat her like a low cost escort, and wondering why men won’t commit. She’s good looking enough that she’s obviously had many men interested in her. But she has already proven that she’s not worth committing to. She doesn’t keep her promises, she’s willing to go to the police and courts over personal issues, and willing to walk away from a relationship with a man she supposedly loved enough to marry.
She almost certainly wasn’t a virgin bride, so the sex was never really exclusive anyway. Men don’t burn with romantic passion for 35 year olds. They burn with romantic passion for teenagers and early 20 somethings. When they are young enough there’s still the possibility – however remote – that they are different, not like the others. Not callous, selfish, self-centered, solipsistic, and ruthless. Real romantic passion has to have that element of fantasy to it so you can suspend disbelief long enough to actually risk so much on a woman – an unstable woman who will go through violent mood swings on a monthly basis and most of the time won’t even know her own feelings. There’s an old saying, “there’s no fool like an old fool.” That saying refers to the well known phenomenon of older men falling helplessly in love with a woman 20 year younger. A 40 year old man might have a blast pumping and dumping 30 somethings, but get a 21 year old to pay attention to him, and all the jadedness – and sanity – go right out the window. It’s a biological reaction to the years of fertility that a young woman has left.
When a woman is young, and a virgin, commits to a man for life, and bears him many children, a man is capable of loving her, forever, even when she is old and wrinkly. He will always remember the bride of his youth, and even when the romantic passion is long gone, love remains. Real, adult, human love.
It really shows the immaturity of modern women that thirty something childless divorcees, who have likely pumped and dumped many men, are surprised that men their age won’t “commit.” They have shown, with their actions and attitudes, how much their commitment is worth. Precisely zero.
But hey, if you still look good at 35, and are interesting to talk to, there will be plenty of men interested in hooking up, being friends, and even “dating.” But let’s not pretend that the men are going to be exclusive. Why turn down offers because you happen to be in a temporary arrangement with a particular woman? Serial monogamy may be a woman’s preference, but it’s not a man’s preference. Mate guarding and keeping a woman exclusive to you is the natural instinct of men, due to the aversion to cuckolding, but a modern man knows the deal, with birth control and genetic testing there won’t be any cuckolding, and if she wants to fuck some other guy, she’s going to whether you like it or not.
So, men have adapted. They’re “going our own way” as it were. No commitments to women, just enjoy each other’s company, and bodies, with no pretense of exclusivity. I mean, after all, it’s not like women are the property of men they are fucking, right? That would be awfully misogynist wouldn’t it?
The guy was a good networking candidate, likely having some contacts in the local business scene that would be useful to me. Who knows, maybe he and I will trade notes on the blonde’s performance over beers at some point?