Once upon a time, a naughty girl named Snow White was strolling through the WordPress World. All of a sudden, she stumbles upon a Magic Blog run by the Sunshine Queen. Although Snow White was very young and inexperienced, she was a haughty girl that thought she knew everything – even more than the Sunshine Queen! Snow White developed an evil plan, where she would invade the Magic Blog and scream curses at the Sunshine Queen and her subjects, accusing them of having wicked thoughts.
Snow White started screaming at the top of her lungs – “the Sunshine Queen is evil! You’re all bad! You offend me! I hate you all!” The Sunshine Queen and her subjects politely tried to bestow some much needed wisdom on Snow White, but the arrogant young woman was having none of it. Snow White was just sure that she knew better than the Sunshine Queen and her subjects, for Snow White was a very haughty girl.
Amidst all this commotion, a Jester noticed Snow White and thought a naughty thought himself. He magically changed himself into a Serpent, and slithered over to Snow White, wrapping himself around her legs and slithering up to her arms and onto her shoulder, where he whispered in her ear:
“Yes, the Sunshine Queen is bad, Snow White! She wants to make you one of her subjects! She wants to oppress you, just as she oppresses her subjects and is herself oppressed by the Sunshine King, who has booby trapped the Magic Blog with hand grenades! You must follow me so you can escape safely!”
Snow White was amazed as the Jester transformed before her eyes, from a Serpent into a Charming Prince. The Charming Prince took Snow White’s hand and told her, “let me lead you to safety, my lady, and rescue you from this evil blog run by the evil queen!”
Snow White, charmed by the handsome prince, took his hand and followed him into the woods, away from the Magic Blog. They walked for a long time and after a while, Snow White began to tire. She asked the Handsome Prince, “let us stop and rest! For I am feeling tired and we’ve walked such a long way!” The Handsome Prince told Snow White, “we can’t stop now, so I will carry you in my arms.” Snow White was very happy and the Handsome Prince carried her in his arms, and feeling comforted, she drifted off to sleep.
When Snow White woke up, she found herself lying on her stomach, and that the vines of the forest had grown around her arms and legs. She struggled and struggled, but couldn’t free herself. She looked around for the Handsome Prince but could find him no where. She cried out, “Handsome Prince, I feel asleep and you must have laid me down, but the vines of the forest have grown around my arms and legs, and I can’t get free! Please rescue me!”
The Jester, with a wicked gleam in his eye, and now back to his natural state, calls out to Snow White, “here I come, Snow White – I will rescue you!” The Jester, who loved to play pranks on haughty girls lost in the forest, walked into the clearing, holding a wooden paddle, cut from the trees of the forest.
Snow White gasped! “What happened to the Handsome Prince? And what are you going to do with that paddle!”
The Jester smiled at Snow White, and said, “I have cast a spell on you, and you won’t get away until you get your proper punishment. Since you are such a smart girl, I assume you know how to count?”
Snow White, now outraged, objected: “of course I know how to count! You are offending me! This is offensive! Let me go, and what are you going to do with that paddle?”
The Jester laughed at Snow White and said, “It’s good you know how to count! In order to free yourself, you will have to count to 50, once for each paddling, and if you miss even one, I’ll start over!”
“This is offensive!” Snow White cried out. “You’re oppressing me! Let me go at once!” But the Jester merely laughed again, raised the paddle high above Snow White’s petite little ass, and struck her on her hiney, hard.
“Owwie! Ouch! Stop it!” Snow White cried, but the Jester wouldn’t listen. “How many was that, Snow White?” the Jester asked. Snow White could only cry, and through her sobs and tears, answered, “One!”
So the Jester continued.
After her 50 spankings, Snow White was crying and sobbing uncontrollably, but the Jester wasn’t finished. “I heard you were a good cook, Snow White! Now I want you to bake me a pie!”