You Make This All Go Away

“Be still.”

“Um…”

No matter how many times you do it, you never really get used to it. It’s like a new palette of colors every time. Purple, blue, yellow, red. It’s like you are releasing something inside. Something that was already there, just below the surface, just waiting to come out. It always feels wrong. Not normal. But it’s exciting. Thrilling.

But it always feels wrong.

They just appear on the surface. The pale white becomes colored. It’s sort of an uncanny valley thing. You see it change in real time. Lily pads appearing on the surface, floating on a motionless, pale pool. Then, wind, causing ripples on the surface. Waves.

Then the sounds. It’s like playing an instrument. Strike a key, and the kinetic energy is transferred from one end to another, triggering some kind of energy exchange, from nerve to neuron, a blast of breath, vibrating a reed in the throat, and coming out as a noise. It’s musical. Sometimes a staccato run of notes, from low to high. Sometimes a long drone, a single pitch with maybe a slight vibrato.

“Now. What’s your color?”

“Yellow!”

You always make them count. One two three. It’s important for psychological reasons. It’s all psychology really. The physicality of it is merely the visible. But it’s the lack of real empathy that is scary. That’s what makes it a ride. You really can’t put yourself into someone else’s head, no matter how empathetic you are. No one can really ever experience life through someone’s else eyes. You can never walk in someone else’s shoes. You can merely, at best, fake some sort of imitation of it. Some approximation. But you see, that’s why it’s like flying. You are never really in control.

But you can’t tell them that. They must feel as if you are perfectly in control. That’s their thrill, they like the comfort. Like being held by daddy as a child, their entire body held aloft by something bigger, more powerful, and loving.

Supposedly, that is. I’m never really sure if it’s love, or something very different. It’s not hate, though. That’s too simple.

“Where are you now?”

“Ah, uh, mmmm!”

The Japanese have the bonsai trees. From the time the tree is young, you tie it down. In this way, you influence its growth. You aren’t killing it, and whether or not its unhealthy is up for debate. But you direct its growth, you influence it. Or, see it as training a dog, or a horse. People hate that language, comparing them to an animal. But humans are animals. We are the human animal. Why make it more complex than it is? Today is training day.

The props are, in themselves, either simply very practical, or magic. Oh yes, it’s magic. You kiss a prop, just rub it, hold it a certain way, wave it, move it. You’re putting your magic into it. You transfer the energy – but not from you to the prop, oh no. The energy goes from you, to her. The energy is transmitted from eyeball to eyeball. The prop is just that, a prop. A short term container for the memory of the energy exchange.

So that’s all the props are. It’s better without props anyway. That’s high protocol game. It’s more about self-discipline. Self-discipline is the best restraint there is. It’s all in the head.

But they are tricky though. You can see them do it sometimes, casting a spell on you. Some of them, they are like bottomless pits of blackness. Heat sinks. No matter how much heat you put into them, it just evaporates, instantly chilled, all the heat energy transferred right away, dissipated, leaving nothing but cold. Cold. That’s what they are like actually. So you have to be careful or they will do that. Sucks all the heat right out of you. You think you’re in control, you’re directing this, but really it’s them. They are leading from behind. It’s almost as if they all have the potential for this, they always try. Brats. So they are tricky and you have to watch out for that.

But when it goes well, they hum. The sound comes from deep in the throat.

They are the one ones that know you even have it in you, too. Succubi, essentially. It’s like they cast a line into your throat, and pull it up out of you. Sure, it may be preexisting. Maybe it was always there. But it would never get activated if it wasn’t for them. So in that sense, it’s their fault. Like magnets, unless there’s iron nearby, it’s just inert. So it’s their fault. Plus, they do it on purpose. They know what they are doing.

I guess you could say they are asking for it.

white-blindfold

3 thoughts on “You Make This All Go Away

      1. I see wn in everything, and try to apply anything I do. No subject exists in isolation.

        Surely you can see how the USG is on top right now. But are they in control? What is control?

        “Some of them, they are like bottomless pits of blackness. Heat sinks. No matter how much heat you put into them, it just evaporates, instantly chilled, all the heat energy transferred right away, dissipated, leaving nothing but cold. Cold. That’s what they are like actually. So you have to be careful or they will do that. Sucks all the heat right out of you. You think you’re in control, you’re directing this, but really it’s them. They are leading from behind. It’s almost as if they all have the potential for this, they always try.”

        Like

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