I see a TON of gals asking “where have all the good men gone” and are so pissed at all the girls that get all the guys. But these girls you are jealous of are generally not good women. I have generally dated the “bad girl” types that I am always attracted to because there really attractive, exciting, and fawn all over me. Unfortunately, the majority of them have lied, cheated, and manipulated the shit out of our relationships. I have no doubt that I will end up with a “nice gal” and I can tell you with a fair amount of confidence that most guys will because no guy with self respect marries a slut. I hope for the reformed slut, but she is a rare bird and once she’s reformed, who is to say she’ll be so exciting anymore? Anyway, keep hope alive ladies, most of you sound like very caring, kind, and interesting women who have a lot to offer.
So to all the nice gals out there: wait for us. I know right now it seems like men are just humping and dumping the Bad Girls, but once we get it out of our system, we are going to want to settle down with that nice young virgin. We know Sally Slut and Hottie Hookup aren’t marriage material, but right now our priorities are just having fun. We know that when we’re ready, when it’s time to get serious and marry, we’re going to go for you, Cathy Churchgal.
So before we put a ring on Victoria Virgin, these are the 9 Chicks to Do Before You Die … I mean, “get married.”
Betty Blowjob: This is the girl that just gets off on giving blowjobs. Every man has to try these girls out at least once. Bonus: lots of blowjobs.
Regnia Richgirl: You’ll have amazing fun screwing in her bedroom and having her parents feed you Whole Foods after. Bonus: her parents will buy the condoms.
Francesca Fling: This is the hot girl you meet at a nightclub who will be your “friends with benefits” for a while. Bonus: you’ll probably get a threesome out of it.
Cathy Cougar: Every guy needs to bed an older woman. She’ll teach you a few tricks, wear you out on a regular basis, and pay for dinner. Bonus: You’ll do it at her place, which is way nicer than yours.
Jenna Jailbait: The day she becomes legal. Bonus: she just became legal.
Edie Eurochick: She’s only in New York for a summer internship, and she wants to bang a geniune American guy. Bonus: your accent will work in your favor for once.
Samantha Sporty: She’s the athletic type, full of energy and an amazingly toned body. Bonus: you’ll probably get to do her in her team uniform.
Chelsea Crazychick: Hot and crazy, amazing sex, lots of drama. Bonus: you’ll know why they say “never stick your dick in crazy.”
Fannie Feminist: Zzzzzz. Boring. She won’t even make you a sandwich. Every interaction will be problematized to make sure it doesn’t reinforce The Patriarchy. Bonus: she likes it rough, dirty and humiliating.
My total: 9/9 – not too shabby!
OK. I showed mine now you show yours. How many on the list have you crossed off and do you think my criteria are too rigid?