What It’s Like Having A Penis

So, you make billions of sperm every day. This fact sort of influences you on a macro level as well.

Now, the fact that we have these sort of urges, yet – at least white men, I can’t speak for the others – we have enough self-control we don’t actually do this. Really, we should get some sort of award.

So who is the hottest celebrity? Certainly, Anna Kournakova, the tennis player, must be at the top of the list. Not only does she have that pure Aryan Beauty, she also has this seductive, sultry, sexiness. Similar, but not quite the same.

I always thought Taylor Swift was a hottie, and I’m a sucker for a gal with a nice singing voice. I used to date this 21 year old Christian girl that looked kind of like Taylor Swift, and she loved Taylor Swift, and had a great voice herself. Oh man, that girl was so hot I was totally a “beta” around her. A good Christian girl saving herself for marriage, but nevertheless loved attention from an older man.

Let’s see, Christina Applegate had that white trash slutty hotness, and I used to think that Alicia Silverstone was super-hot, until I saw a picture pre-nose job. Without the nosejob and the hair dye, her kosher looks really show through. Why it is jewesses are always getting nose jobs and dying their hair? Biologically, it’s called “crypsis.”

As a young boy, I, like most white boys, had a huge crush on Drew Barrymore. She was the Manic Pixie Dream Girl of our dreams, and when she turned 18 and did that “Poison Ivy” movie where she turns into this sexy Black Widow type character, um, hot hot hot.

Now in real life, I have a total thing for redheads, but I can’t think of many redheaded celebrities that I like, although the redhead on That 70s Show is just adorable.

4 thoughts on “What It’s Like Having A Penis

  1. I have a hard time believing you actually have a penis. You write like a woman trying to sound like a man, who has lesbian tendencies and a deep hatred for men.

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    1. @LibertyLamp

      For an “anti-fa” activist, you sure are a hateful little Gender Policer, aren’t you? This blog is a safe space, for women, men, and those who don’t identify within the gender binary.

      Anyway, I’m not a particularly good racist. Once, I even dated a black girl. She couldn’t have been a day over 20. So she would come over, wearing this white headscarf and a peasant dress, and I’d be in my seer sucker suit, and we’d play “Mr. Charlie the Plantation Owner and His Slave Girl.”

      So, you know, she’d get down on her knees in front of me, I’d stick my cock in her mouth, and she would go to town. I’d whip her ass with this leather whip, and say, “Oh mammy, how do you like that thick Irish cock?” She’d take my cock out of her mouth for a second and reply, “Yes massa, I want more massa.”

      She’d start moving her head back and forth, like a chicken – you know, a chicken head – and her fat ghetto booty would be bouncing up and down, like she was twerking, my cock disappearing between her thick Negress lips, and eventually, I’d pull out and come all over her face.

      Back then, when I was a big younger, you know, I had a lot of spunk. So she’d be on her knees, and I would just spunk all over her face. Then, when I was finished, and her face was literally covered with my semen, she’d look up at me, smile, lick her lips and say, “finally, I’m white!”

      Then, I’d give her $50 and send her home.

      Good times. See, how could I possible be racist?

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