ISIS – in their English language, glossy magazine distributed to secret Al Qaeda cells around America and Europe – Dabiq – ISIS/ISIL, like something out of Central Casting, gives readers all the Muzzie Fundie Fun we’ve all come to love. They will convert us all to Muslim and conquer our women, who will voluntarily wear the burka and join the Sultan’s Harem.
Aren’t you mad, White Man? How these Muhammadean Beasts insult us! We need a new Crusade! Plus the liberals should totally be on our side because the Muslims hate gays and women. These brutes actually crucify Christians just like they did to Jesus and they cut people’s heads off. Now, we may have been a bit blase about taking down the Dictator of Syria
Hosni Mubarak Muammar Gaddafi Bashar al-Assad, but we cann all agree that we must conquer these Muslim brutes.
Not that we should get squeamish about Diversity and Mutli-Culturalism though. We’ll all admit that boring old white bread Whitey needs some Vibrancy – pretty much, anyone is better than Whitey, Vibrant Latinos, Diversity African Americans, and Chinese, Japaese, Koreans, Brazilians, Jews, and other hard pressed minorities should be welcome in America until we’re finally diverse, just as long as they promise to not be anti-semitic and support Israel. Just as Whites are a Social Construct, so Palestinians are an Invented People.
You see, there’s just the two exceptions to Vibrant Diversity.
Oh, so anyway, it basically goes like this. Osama Bin Laden and his Al Qaeda used 19 radical fundamentalist hijackers with boxcutters who flew two planes into two buildings in Manhattan, scoring a total of three skyscrapers destroyed – a world record. Then, they actually got past the entire US military and hit the Pentagon – the headquarters of the Military of the World’s Sole Superpower – with a hijacked, unarmed civilian airliner.
You got to hand it to them, that’s pretty fucking impressive.
Now, we had to invade Iraq, and Al-Zakawri led Al Qaeda in Iraq, but then we killed him, so then Adam Pearlman the Al Qaeda Media Coordinator told us he was going to covert or kill us just as soon as his eldest was Bar Mitzvahed.
Remember, so far, this is all serious shit. Real world wide terrorist groups based on radical Islam. Just take it at face value for a minute, ok?
Now, you may think that magazines are going out of favor thanks to the internet, but Al Qaeda had its own glossy – Inspire! – great name, btw – and there are some major differences in the Al Qaeda zine and ISIS’ zine, Dabiq.
While al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula’s magazine Inspire focuses on encouraging its readers to carry out lone-wolf attacks on the West, Dabiq is more concerned with establishing the religious legitimacy of ISIL and its self-proclaimed caliphate, and encouraging Muslims to emigrate there.
As a bona fide hipster, I’ve been into Radical Jihad since the early days, back when we had Youseph al-Katab in the New York Post posing with copies of “Nuclear Jihad” – back before the glossy Corporate Jihad magazines of today. We had to watch early videos of
Adam Pearlman Adam Gadayn of Al Qaeda – third in charge after Usama Bin Laden himself – and we liked it. You young whippersnappers of today can get beheading videos on youtube, we had to wait for Rita Katz of SITE to find the best jihadi videos and release them to the West.
You kids these days, you just don’t know how easy you have it.