50 Shades Of What’s The Big Deal? (Actual Film Review)

So I finally saw 50 Shades of Grey and all I can think is, really, what’s the big deal?

First of all, it was a pretty good romance movie. The acting was ok, Anastasia looked really hot naked and tied up, and my lady friend just would not stop talking about how great Mr. Grey looked with his shirt off. She was all but humping my leg half way through.* We went to an early showing with only a handful of people there, mostly overweight women by themselves. You could almost smell them getting wet.


The movie is pure girl porn. Mr. Grey’s acting was straight out of a daytime soap opera – ultra-masculine yet highly emotional. The one scene of him getting angry and yelling is diddle-worthy for women. I don’t think men really understand how women’s fiction works. If you want to understand women and how they see men, watch a day-time soap opera. In men’s fiction, the good guys wear white hats, the bad guys wear black hats, and the good guys win in the end.

In women’s fiction, the men characters are far more ambiguous. In a soap opera, the men go from good guys to bad guys and back again – just like in real life. At no time, either in their good phase or their bad phase, are they “not men.”

The basic plot line is Super Studly Hot Billionaire falls madly in love with Average Everygirl and must have her. The cheesiest line has to be “I am incapable of leaving you alone.” For all the crap about the relationship being “abusive” and him “stalking” her, really the only creepy part was when he showed up at a restaurant Anastasia and her mother were at. I’ve even read some bookstores refused to sell the book because it “romanticizes an abusive relationship.” The ever-obnoxious “BDSM Community” of course is constantly complaining that it’s not “healthy BDSM” but whatever – it’s fiction. Real life is never about some negotiated “scene” and “role playing.” Life is messy and relationships even more so.

The BDSM was handled about as well as you would expect for a mainstream Hollywood film. He ties her up in his “Red Room of Pain.” For all the “beta boys” that don’t get it, when a woman is tied up, she gives up all of her control and just relaxes. She can’t do anything anyway, and whatever her Dom is going to do to her next is a surprise. What woman wouldn’t want that? To be the center of attention as a Dominant Stud essentially worships your body? It’s chick crack.


This may sound a tad sadistic of me (you don’t say!) but the final scene where he spanks her with a belt was a bit of a letdown. She’s counting one to six, but her acting was rather unconvincing – it didn’t seem like it was at all painful and she didn’t react the way a real woman reacts when you beat her ass really hard. No yelping. The spanking scene in Secretary is different – he used his hand, so it’s not really painful as much as it is sensual. But with a belt? You’re damn right she’s going to be crying out in pain. It’s part of the thrill, the involuntary movements, the pleading, the tears. If you are sadistic bastard like me, there is just some utterly primal thrill about the whole thing. The subbie girls love it, especially the “pain sluts.” Remember, there’s a fine line between pleasure and pain and pain releases endorphins.

At one point, Anastasia asks Mr. Grey how many subs he has had – he says “fifteen.” Ana doesn’t blink. I’ve said it before, women despise virgin men as much as men love virgin women. Opposites attract.

I’ve also read one conservative Christian, a few feminists, and even a “manosphere” type claim that the story is some sort of crypto-pedophilia, because Ana is a virgin. All I can say is those people are obsessed with pedophilia and hate the idea of monogamy in general. Deflowing a virgin girl, introducing her to sex – it’s pretty much the best thing ever. I fell head over heels with my first virgin, I couldn’t help it, it was so intimate. I felt I was possessing her completely. Ah, young love.

So Mr. Grey doesn’t “do romance,” he doesn’t sleep with women in his bed, he doesn’t do dates. But, of course, he does all those things for Ana, he breaks every rule for her. She’s able to “heal” him of his anti-romance hangups and gets him to be truly intimate. Of course – it’s a chick flick.


Best sex scene is when he flips her over and fucks her doggy style. Tying her up with the necktie, that’s good, but I think a belt is better for psychological reasons.

In homage to Icareview, here’s the Ideological Content Analysis:

1. Pro-chastity, pro-virgin. Part of Ana’s appeal is her innocence and her virginity. She is compared favorably to her slutty roommate.

2. Pro-white? All of the characters were attractive white people. The sole exception was a mulatto friend of Ana’s who gets drunk and hits on her. Mr. White Grey rushes up, violently pushes him away and tells him, “She said no!” Yes, you read that right, a Hollywood movie where a White man protects a White woman from a non-White sexually assaulting her. How that got by the politically correct censors, I have no idea.

3. Ambiguous about the BDSM. It was there strictly for titillation. As is usual, they have to give it a back story, Mr. Grey was abused as a child, then became the submissive of a Mrs. Robinson type Dominatrix when he was 15. I really think people vastly underestimate how common it is for adult women to seduce teenage boys. I could tell you stories…

4. Pro-traditional gender roles. Mr. Grey is all masculine, and Anastasia is all-feminine. There’s nothing even remotely suggesting anything other than garden variety traditional heterosexuality. In fact, Dominance/submission is the one place where traditional gender roles are still allowed to be expressed fully.

It certainly wasn’t the best movie, it probably won’t win any awards and no one is going to see it as historically significant or anything, but it was entertaining, had a few truly funny moments, and lots of hot sex. I’ve certainly spent $18 on worse.

The movie too, is pure “red pill.” All you young beta boys that have trouble with girls, go see it. Realize you aren’t going to get away with doing what Mr. Grey does unless you are a billionaire, but believe me. Chances are your girlfriend wants it far rougher than you are giving it to her, and she wants you to be a Real Man, not some simpering beta.

* My ladyfriend insists she was not humping my leg.


On January 28, 2015, a campaign in the United States by the National Center on Sexual Exploitation started two petitions to boycott the film’s release. Their website makes more than 50 allegations that the film has a negative impact on the community. It said, “Hollywood is advertising the Fifty Shades story as an erotic love affair, but it is really about sexual abuse and violence against women. The porn industry has poised men and women to receive the message that sexual violence is enjoyable. Fifty Shades models this porn message and Hollywood cashes the check.” By February 7, one of the petitions had garnered more than 53,000 signatures

For fucks sake’s, people, gals love a good hard spanking! It’s sexy! It’s not “violence against women” – it’s one of the most common fantasies women have – right after the Rape Fantasy. Feminists hate women’s sexuality because women tend to be heterosexual and submissive, not the Strong Independent Dykes the feminists want them to be.


3 thoughts on “50 Shades Of What’s The Big Deal? (Actual Film Review)

  1. There is a difference between benevolent patriarchy and malevolent patriarchy.
    There is a difference between leadership and tyranny.
    There is a difference between good and evil.


    1. You’ll be happy to know that 50SOG follows the script; Ana eventually “tames” Christian into the romantic-and-tender yet-still-alpha man of her dreams.

      benevolent patriarchy and malevolent patriarchy.

      Spare the rod, spoil the wife.


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