He must, becaue I’ve been saying much of this for nearly two years now:
Conservatives funnel their children into egalitarian institutions, demand inhuman powers of chastity from their children, and then become shocked — just shocked — when the impossible rules result in their cheerleader daughter getting a big belly without knowing who the father is. The absurdity of expecting inhuman levels of restraint from people is also mirrored by the leftist reign of regulations in sexual harassment. Men and women must be forced to be the same, and any outburst of natural attraction is to be punished by the full force of the legal system.
But the article is really about “pop kink” and as usual, he gets it wrong. I almost feel like I might accidentally come across as one of those obnoxious, politically correct Professional Kinksters talking about informed consent and safewords, but like most people, Dampier is reading a bit too much into “kink” and thus, in many ways, missing the significance.
Yes, kink is a place (the only place?) where it’s ok for a feminist or a leftist to act out traditional gender roles. At least among my set, BDSM was, essentially, a long running dirty joke. Take any sort of scenario, and turn it into some “scene.” BDSM was nothing but regular sexy times with the ladies wearing more fashionable clothes. There were a few people we knew that were into it a bit more “hardcore” than others but only the “community” feels as if it is some sort of “identity.”
De Sade’s Justine really has no connection to BDSM. It’s been a while since I’ve read it, but I seem to remember Justine was a philosophical piece about atheism with a torture-murder scene. The utterly awful 2003 film “Quills” was an attempt to turn De Sade into a Kinkster Philosopher Ahead of his Time but it was nothing but pure historical revisionism, as well as a total snoozefest.
No one has ever explained to me what is so terrible about bondage – have people really never tied up their ladyfriend or blindfolded her? They like the suspense. What do you think those fuzzy handcuffs at the novelty store are for? Spanking? Spanking is half sexy and half funny. Are we really going to suggest that is somehow “perverted?” Dominance and submission? Goodness, folks, that is in the Bible. It’s actually a commandment and the Christian ideal of marriage.
From what I can tell, the main hangups people have are pain and humiliation. All I can say is that people often have a complex relationship to pain. Pain is an inevitable part of life, applying pain in a controlled way can be comforting. Pain is sort of the opposite of pleasure, and each thing evokes its opposite. Have you ever had a really good deep tissue massage? You know how it hurts, yet feels really good at the same time?
Humiliation? OK, have you ever had a fight with your ladyfriend then had really great makeup sex afterward? You know, she pushes and pushes and you yell at her. It’s kind of humiliating to her when you put her in her place, but she kind of enjoys it when you take charge. The hilarious “Break Feminazis” scenarios on reddit are all the same basic gimmick, “uppity feminist Wonder Woman gets put in her place by a Real Man.” It’s like competitive comedy writing; it just so happens that many, many feminists actually get really aroused by it.
All the rest of BDSM is just costumes and role-play.
The other thing people don’t get is that, generally speaking, BDSM is a woman’s thing. BDSM scenarios are pretty much the number two fantasy of women, after the sort of standard “Prince Charming rips my bodice.” There are more women into it than men. In fact, it’s all rather understandable from a pop evolutionary pscyhology perspective as well.
I can assure you folks, 50 Shades of Grey is not a harbinger of the Decline and Fall of Western Civilization. It’s a throw away piece of girl porn with some spanking in it. Good grief.
The real issues that the West has is not that lots of girls think it’s sexy to be tied up and spanked, it is economic and social changes that have made marriage and family formation all but out of reach of the working class. Fix that problem and you’ll fix the fertility problem.
As for the divorce issues, it’s really simple and it is, in fact, kind of related to BDSM, at least, power in relationships. The court system gives wives a financial incentive to blow up their marriages. The court essentially hands a woman a grenade and says, “now don’t use this unless you really, really need to.” She now has the power in the relationship.
Imagine a hypothetical future in which wife-spanking was completely legal and accepted. I’m not kidding. A hypothetical future society where a husband was unequivocally in charge of his family, the Head of Household, and if he had to, he could take his wife over his knee and spank her as punishment.
If that scenario immediately makes you think, “that’s just awful. Husbands would just be abusing their wives for no good reason,” well, congrats, you are either a feminist or a conservative, as if all men, most men, or even a really significant minority of men actually like to abuse the women they love. These are the women they have pledged their entire lives to, the future mother of their children, and feminists – and conservatives – think men are just so evil and so awful that it is inevitable they would abuse their power, thus, men cannot be entrusted with any power at all. In fact, it would be better if the wife were in charge. (Hmm, perhaps traditional conservatism is actually full of submissive men. Apparently C. S. Lewis liked his wife to dominate him in bed.)
On the other hand, if that scenario makes you think, “goodness that’s hot, I would be so turned on if my man turned me over his knee when I was acting up,” email firstname.lastname@example.org for a good time.