THE UNTOLD TRUE STORY OF MATTRESS GIRL

“No one ever had a fantasy of being tied to a bed and ravished by a liberal.”

mrweedwacker

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spring of 2012 at Columbia University
Emma Sulkowicz, an 18-year-old human-identifying persyn of ambiguous race, gender, and sexual orientation, had bravely decided to pursue her education as a doctoral candidate in quantum fluid mechanics despite generations of systemic oppression by the patriarchal white male capitalist supremacist society
she studies 19 hours a day while working 3 jobs to support herself because of the exploitative university framework that allows straight white males to attend college for free
Emma’s continued progress despite all of the obstacles placed in her way by the fiendish administration (run exclusively by old white men) catches the attention of Paul ‘Cunt Crusher of Cologne’ Nungesser, renowned Germanic neo-Nazi and top agent of the Kyriarchy, who had been assigned to Columbia University straight from Germany to ensure that no brave strong competent progressive world citizens could dispel the carefully-maintained illusion of white male supremacy
right before Emma’s final…

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